Changing to Grow

Have you ever set out to accomplish something new and let others know about your plan that you were so amped about? What have their responses been? Sometimes, you get really positive feedback and excitement from the person and they encourage you. Many times putting their own selves down about how there is no way they could accomplish that or they don't have that kind of dedication. I wonder if this is an american thing; complementing by putting yourself down.

Other times you don't get much of a response at all and the person starts talking about something completely different when what you really wanted to do was have a good chat about this new endeavor of yours. Most of the time, I have realized people who respond in this fashion are just no good for me. There is no need to keep people around in your life who will not even listen to what you have to say, what you are passionate about and how you are changing to grow. If you find that this form of communication is the norm between you and someone, where your thoughts are thrown off and replaced by that person’s own, then just do yourself a favor and run. It will save a lot of time and heartache.

Yet, there are still other times when the person has some critical things to say to you or what I've run into so much, when they tell me what I should do. This is how their sentence begins, "You know what you should do? ...". At this point I have normally tuned them out. What I am realizing though is that although most of the time I don't care to hear what suggestion that person has to make for my dream since they are not normally taking into account who I am, how I work or what I want, there can be some interesting information or ideas that can come from what I don't want to hear.

In order to really hear these ideas and try to grab something useful from them, I have to let go of my pride and let myself open up a bit more. That is not to say that I should throw out all of my values, but that I should just try to listen. I believe that you should always voice your opinion (something I'm working hard on) and be true to yourself, but you should also be willing to grow and change. Change comes with growth. Growth comes with change. They just go hand-in-hand, and I don't want to stop changing and growing.

So as hard as it sounds (and god is it a struggle for me), listen to what people have to suggest. You won't always take the suggestion, but let yourself become more open. Become a better listener. Don't just start judging their words right off the bat. Let it sink in, look at it from their perspective, take what you can and grow.

The Path Unknown

As I trudged along my path of becoming a counselor/therapist, I began to not feel as attached to the idea as I once had. My thought was that this was due to the fact that I had been out of school for a couple of years now and that it was inevitably going to be more difficult to push myself to go back to school, especially after getting wait listed the first time I applied to grad school. I felt defeated after being wait listed, which is what made me take a step up the hill and look down at the path I was just dragging my feet along in the dirt. Although I left the immediate trail, I began walking in an uncharted path beside my old one. I acquired thorny scratches, bruises and the occasional poison ivy as I ventured through this part of the forest, but I knew there was more for me than the clear marked path I had so determinedly been marching down for so long. As I spent a couple of years rambling about the forest creating my own unmarked path that I am confident no one would be able to find or follow, another trail opened up to me. This trail was better marked and cleared than what I just came through, but the terrain was much more difficult to hike along, and I knew it would test my endurance compared to the easy, clear and flat path I was initially taking. I am always up for a challenge though, so I said, "Well hell, I'm gonna do it," and then I started up this new trail. I am only in the beginning stages, and I have no idea what other paths will intersect the trail. I will have to make new choices at those moments, but for now, I am hustling to get my ass moving along this steep, rocky, but oh-so-rewarding trail ahead.

One night last October, I lay in bed with my husband at his grandparents beach house in the worst, most excruciating pain I've ever been through. He was so sweet and stayed up with me as I struggled for my 8th night in a row to sleep due to the ongoing pain I had been experiencing. To distract myself from the pain, I babbled on about the latest young adult fiction novel I was plowing through. When I reached a stopping point in my monologue, my husband looked at me and said, "If I could take your pain and carry the burden for you, I would." That was one of the sweetest things I had ever been told and then it hit me. What if it was possible to carry another's pain for a duration of time or even forever?  As I shared this idea with Austin, he had a determined look in his eye when he told me, "You can write a young adult novel about this concept, I know you can." The excitement and happiness I felt as the idea sunk in was immense, and I knew in my heart that I could do it. In that moment, it didn't matter that I had no idea what was going on in my body and I felt like I would never feel better; I had a new dream and I was going to start the hike on this journey of writing. In that moment, I chose to stop rambling through the woods and take this new unknown path and although I was thrilled, I was also scared as hell.

Take the scary path change to do what you love, what excites you. Know that it's going to be really hard and sometimes you will want to throw your pack off, abandon the rough path and seek out the easy road, but also know that that won't be as rewarding in the end. Imagine doing a little 1 mile flat hike one day and how you feel accomplished afterwards. Then imagine doing the entire Appalachian Trail and how much more incredibly rewarded and accomplished you will feel after completing such a beast. Think of how many more memories accompany such a hike and how much more you will grow and learn during such a trek. Envision all of the different people you will meet, situations you will encounter and changes you will find within yourself on such a big adventure and chose that path instead of the easy, straightforward one or the chaotic, meandering one you could so easily find yourself on. Take the plunge, make shit happen and be a pioneer for others to look up to and be encouraged by. Inspire others to believe that they too can take on the challenge and live a rewarding life.

Start the Race

I love schedules. They are what I rely on to get things done. I love getting a pen and paper out, making bullet points and writing out each task I need to complete for the day, anticipating the moment that I get to check or mark that item off of the list. Exciting, right?! Well, I know not everyone gets as excited about lists as I do, but each person has some way, shape or form of getting pumped to get things done. So it's important to figure out what gets you going and tap into that so you can push forward, full steam ahead!

I have used this love of lists all throughout college to achieve my goal of getting summa cum laude, to complete a half marathon (something I thought I could never possibly do) and as a means to keep my sanity while prepping for the GRE. As I think about creating lists, I start to get hyped up and my fingers begin tingling, I feel as if I've just drank 4 cups of coffee and I am at the start line of a race waiting for the gunshot. Since I have used this as a way to accomplish things in the past, then why not use it now with writing? I plan to schedule out my times for writing, what kind of writing I'll do, and some goals to reach ie: complete a young adult fiction novel. This goal seems so big and beyond what I am capable of doing and makes me nervous just typing it out, but if I create the lists and progress in small ways, I will begin to get closer and closer to the end goal.

I am a futuristic thinker and sometimes it can be daunting to think about these large goals I have created for myself, but if I take it one step at a time or one item off of my smaller list at a time, I know I can do it.

Find your driver, put it into use and start pumping those legs (or fingers, for you writers). Let’s get this race started!